Masaku 7s. part two; a k24 news anchor goes crazy in the middle of the road!!6.15pm…
And before we continue,I must say that I AM DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED in Machakos as a town! God, Machakos is sooo small! So damn small! Hata afathali Githurai Kimbo.
Anyway,Madness continues…
Sonko and his nursery school theatrics is gone…I then walked over to Naivas to buy soda…
As I was going up the stairs into the supermarket, I saw people scattering…People moving out of the way…I panic for a minute and look back pensively…
Aaaaaah, Kumbe ni Governor wa Kibwezi, Kivutha Kibwana…..
His burly bodyguards brush past me…Lord,those Ninjas are huge! If they’d grab me,they’d probably swing me so hard and throw me all the way into 2016!!
Kivutha goes into Naivas too…And then he buys a NEWSPAPER!! A Newspaper!! Who buys a Newspaper at 7.23pm! In the evening! Where were You all day???
Linet is with Me. Sue sijui alienda wapi. Mike is too drunk to stand up. And Charles looks like 45 cabbages in Wakulima Market.
I walk around Naivas supermarket… aimlessly…looking for Coca Cola sodas. Linet wants a pizza!!
I tell her,” Ngoja turudi Nairobi. Utanunua Pizza za Machakos ukute zimepikwa na mihogo…”
Linet laughs out so loud…everyone stares at Us…Halafu Linet fell over to Me…hangs by my shouldera….laughing hard…”Ati Mihogo…Aki Cabuuuuuu!! Cabuuuuuuu”!!
She starts screaming my name aimlessly…And starts behaving like an overfed rat. I’m getting embarrassed now…
We grab a couple 2-litre bottle Coca Colas and head to the counter…
At the counter,we meet guy who looks like he had bought the Whole Naivas…His shopping cart was so full… kwanza ni zile za kusukuma…there was soooo much stuff in his shopping trolley…Mikate,Maziwa kumi,Pampers,Unga,Weetabix,sabuni…Juice…Two pieces of land…an old car,four cows a swimming pool…Haha
And then Linet,crazy as a dead monkey,looked up to the guy,whispering,” Sasa….”
The guy looked at her…smiled coyly and responded,”Poa….”
I just stood there…Looking at Linet and wondered,” How did I end up with this human being???”
Have You ever looked at Your friends sometimes and wondered,” Where did I meet this Mad People??”
Haha.
We paid for our Cokes and hurried out.
Outside,I checked my phone..My Whatsaap precisely. And Charles was blowing it up…
Ukp wapk
Uko waphj
Ukooooo wapffd
Shit! Mkppp
Mkoooopp
Fuck! Auto-coreectt mko wapijj
*wapiii??
Fala hiii mkopop??
Mkooo??
Kinaaaggf
Kubaaagfff
*Kubaff!
Charles had left over 20 messages on my Whatsaap. Asking me the SAME STUPID thing: Uko??
Haha…Clearly,He was having a Real Problem typing out the words.
“Tuko karivu na Naivas
*Karbi
Karimbu Ba natives
Nivea
Baiveas……sgit shit Naivas!
Karibu na Naivas?/!!!
Tunamangana
Shit! Tunamanga pizza.
Pizza. Tunamangamanga na pizza
Mkppo
Mkooo ????
I started typing out my answers…And then I realized my phone Keyboard was more mannerless than his!
Outside,the Carnival mood had set right in! Right in!
Cars were hooting from all corners…..I walked,nay,stumbled over to the Stadium gates and right behind them,some guy was selling condominiums from the back of his car…
“Nunua Codom.Nunua Codom hapa….Uwa mende ,Uwa panya…Oh,sorry,I mean…Codom Codom hapa…Aina yote…Kubwa,Dogo….Flavour yote iko…Banana,Stroooberi,Fanira,Mango…Chocorate..Githeri…Nunua Condoom …”
I walked up to him and said,”Yes,Kinuthia! Kùhana atia? Tuge onawe ní úkire??”
The Guy lights up and replies,”Aaaaahh eeeeh! jùkire wíra wa Kodomu….”
Aki Wakikuyu…Mungu anawaona.
I walked over to the other side…Linet trailing me…The Noise was unbearable…
The human traffic was getting thicker and thicker…And girls were getting more naked every single minute…
7.45 pm.
My sister called! Dammit!!
My sister was having HER BIRTHDAY PARTY Back in Nairobi. Same Day!!
“Uko?? Mnakam saa ngapi??” She asked!
Damn,Damn,Damn! I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT HER PARTY! TOTALLY.
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